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  • Writer's pictureACDJ Vancouver MC and DJ Service Vancouver Canada

War on the Roses

Hopefully that title caught your attention.

Its been over 11 years of weddings for me. Brides in white, black, red, orange, purple and blue. Grooms in shorts, tuxes, short tuxes and bare chested. We've had ring bearers who were humans, K9s, goats and drones, and I've seen father's burst into tears, mother burst into rages and maids of honour choke on chicken. I've seen it all, but what I still don't get is the fascination with god awful center-pieces and hideous flower walls.

Ok, yes, i'm a boy. I identify as a man, and more-so, a wedding dude. I'm technically not supposed to care about the floral dreams of a bride, one that has encroached on her since her first inkling of true love and the first sniff of the most blissfully stressful day of her entire life. I understand that I'm supposed to be neutral and just "stand in the corner" and "play the damn songs", or talk on the mic and "do the MC thing", but I can't help but address that unmistakeable feeling of distain that rises from my belly every time I walk into a reception area and spot that colour collage of corruption in the middle of a perfectly good dining table. My arch nemesis and number one most distrusted wedding decor piece.

There is some cultural evidence of floral use in weddings during the earliest recorded historical period in Egypt, Greece and Rome. Figures that the Romans were in on this diabolical, sodomitic flor-ritual.

The English royals popularized ceremony and reception florals. In 1947, Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten. They had seasonal florals in urns at the ceremony in Westminster Abbey and tables with floral centrepieces for the dinner at Buckingham Palace. So of course everybody needed centrepieces after that!

I believe that the doting on wedding flowers comes from early ideals that brides have had about their future nuptials. When you are a young woman and you think about your wedding the first thing that comes to mind is the dress, then the flowers, then the husband. Sorry guys.

Brides can't imagine their event without the perfume pirates adorning every inch and nook and corner and table of their event... but they should, and here's why.

  1. FLOWERS ARE A WASTE OF MONEY - plainly said, they are undoubtedly the biggest unnecessary expense of your wedding. You can't eat them. You can't talk to them. They won't make you laugh. What's the point? A tale centre piece will run you anywhere from head table centerpieces: $80-$150/each. Guest Table Centerpieces: $75-$300+/each. At 10 tables your in the neighborhood of $800-2400 dollars down the tubes. That is money better spent on guest experiences, creating real memories.

  2. NO ONE CARE ABOUT THE FLOWERS BUT SINGLE, LONELY PEOPLE - Its true lol. People who don't get flowers, want to take your expensive display items home to display in their counters until death do them part. It's an expensive "thank you" gift for the "lonelys" and as if that $50 a plate dinner and open bar wasn't enough, the thought of throwing away $150+ to a stranger should make you think twice about the display.

  3. IT'S THE ULTIMATE UNIFICATION BLOCKER - When you place a flower centrepiece on the table, you are denying half the table a chance to speak to the other half. That obtruse albatross sitting in the middle of your dinner will disconnect people and relegate them to the world of their phones and have them deciding the best time to bounce from the event. Your wedding is about connection... two becoming one... people talking to each other and connecting families and strangers.

  4. IT TAKES AWAY FROM THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE WEDDING - why are we here? really? We are here to have a good time - eat, drink and dance. That is what weddings are for. When you invest time and money into flowers, that means you are stressed about being judged for having a less than appealing looking event space, when the truth is the only thing that people will judge you on is your wedding dress, your food and the entertainment (if they had fun).

This is what you need to do instead... trust me... I know because I have given this advice and my couples have thanked me afterwards.

  1. USE FAKE FLOWERS - you may spend a little more, but the fact that you can sell them next day for a profit is the main reason you should do this. People will pay big bucks for silk flowers. You can get some cheaper flowers from Michaels or other, and you can still sell those on marketplace for what you paid the next day.

  2. LESS IS MORE - Create centrepieces that play into a theme or have a significant meaning to your relationship or to each table. Call out table names for dinner using the single vased flower at the table. "Rose table to the buffet"... "Tulip table to the buffet". This puts a single display at each table for the loneliest person to take home.

  3. MAKE YOUR BOUQUET THE BELLE OF THE BALL - spend your flower money on the bouquet that you will either keep to remember your wedding, or toss to a lucky loner at the end of the night. This brings all the flower attention to your most important wedding accessory.

  4. SPEND YOUR MONEY ON FOOD AND ENTERTAINMENT - Its all that matters. Seriously. Have you ever been to a boring wedding with crappy food? It's the memory we all take with us. Bad food, expensive drinks, bad dj and lame MC. Its the curse of every wedding that isn't planned to give your guests the ultimate wedding experience.

Here is a simple example to prove my point. Think about the most fun wedding you've ever been to...Remember?

Ok, what were the flowers at the head table?

Mic drop.

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