Better to have stinky shellfish than to be stinking selfish
Ah... 2022! The year it all comes back! Right? Like how it used to be! Warm summer nights filled with love and laughter. Couples hand in hand, making that stroll down the aisle... that leap over the broom. The laughter... the seafood buffets... the selfishness.
No. Not the shellfish. The selfishness.
I understand. Its YOUR day. You've waited forever to have this day happen, but don't let internet advice ruin what could be the best day of yours, and your loved ones, life. Your wedding is an event that is meant to be shared, not hogged.... or shelled I guess lol.
Selfish planning is the number one mistake I constantly see at weddings, and its of no one's fault. Selfishness is ingrained into us at a young age, and we carry it along with us our entire life like a hairy mole. Especially with women - who dream of their wedding from the moment they toss a dress on Wedding Day Barbie and force Ken into a one-piece tux. Selfishness the worst possible quality to have when planning the most amazing day of your life.
Your wedding is NOT about you.
I did my first wedding of 2022 last weekend. March wedding. My favourite time of year. The sunshine and the crisp winterish air is my jam! Not great for an outdoor event, but luckily the happy couple had a picturesque view of the BC forest and mountains from their tall bay windows overlooking one of our more prestigious golf courses. When you use Swaneset Bay as your event space, you rent it for the view ... to impress your guests and have amazing photos to reminisce over decades later.
The young couple had decided to have a "low key" event, hiring one of the more colourful and flowery planners in the business. This planner is famous for her luxurious events... attention to details and flower bombs going off everywhere. The couple (or rather the family) spent at least $12,000 on flowers - which if you know me, I think it is the most ridiculous thing you can do for your wedding... but I'm not the one living up to the fantasy created in my childhood mind!
Whenever I see outrageous flower displays, the little back hairs running down my spine start to tingle. Its a pompous way of displaying your extreme selfishness to the room, but most won't recognize it like that. Most wedding guests who come to these events are blown away by the onslaught of flowers that they forget that the true beauty of a wedding comes from the smiles and laughter of the crowd.
The bride at this wedding was beautiful in white, but not a smile in sight. They didnt want a dance floor because that would force them to "have to" dance. They balked at the use of a wedding planner and even at the hiring of me, the DJ. It was a weird scenario where nothing they had seemed to fit. No one drank at the bar, chasing to drink just the wine at the tables. The bartender looked like someone had just stolen their dog... as bored as the wallflower photographers searching the room for something.. anything to take a photo of. I played undanceable music, creating more of a celebration of life vibe than a wedding.
We watched self-promoting videos of the couple and a slideshow that ran on my oversize rear projection screen in the corner, in a spot where only the bride and groom could see clearly, segregating half of the room. The MC played a game that centered around how much people knew about the bride and her life, and the prize was stuff that the bride liked in her own home.
I know I sound like I'm nitpicking, but after 700 plus weddings, I know a selfish person when I feel it, and I was empathically feeling like this event was meant to and forced to centre around the lady in white. No one laughed or looked like they were having fun, and even when toasts came to the couple, they toasted with water - which is a big no no at a wedding. Talk about bad luck!
And to top it all off... when the couple left at 8pm, the guests asked to have a dance party, so I stuck around for 45 minutes to play some house music so they could have a bit of a true wedding experience. They were confused as to why there was no dance floor. I told them the bride and groom vetoed the dancing due to... selfishness. They laughed and danced and went home drunk.
No matter what you feel about your wedding day... what you like or dislike or what you have dreamt about, if you choose to invite 100 people into your world, you must treat them like guests and think about their social well-being. 1 hour in a seat for a ceremony about you, then 7 hours at the mercy of your personal selfish wishes will only leave them with a feeling like they have wasted their evening, socially pandering to your ego.
When you plan a wedding, you plan it as an event that people would want to pay to attend. You plan it as a complete event that includes dinner, entertainment and dancing. End of story. You take personal wants out of the equation (except for the ceremony which is all about the bride) and you make your loved one's wedding experience one they will remember... that they will envy and plan their own wedding under the influence of your epic event.
Here are some tips to help you plan correctly:
Spend your selfishness on the ceremony. Its all about the bride and groom. Do it big here. If flowers are your thing, then do it here. Make people remember what you looked like in that dress, how happy you both were to tie the knot, and be as elaborate as you want. This is the only place to self-serve on this day.
Layer your food service. Dont just serve dinner. Have apples and serve food throughout the night. Split your food budget up to make sure your guests never starve at any point of the day. They will appreciate this more than gorging at the buffet.
Hire proper entertainment. Just having a DJ is not entertaining. Music fills in the background, but doesnt entertain lol. Your dj will step up at the dancing portion, but what will he do for the other 75% of the day? Hire quality entertainers who know how to fill in the gaps and keep people engaged.
Make sure you dance! Whether or not you like it, just do it. You only have one night to step out of your comfort zone, and the wedding is the time. Your guests will thank you and will join in if they see you on the dance floor.
Hire a professional MC. Trust me, your guests will appreciate it. There's nothing worse than your funny cousin cracking roast jokes at you while others cringe. You need someone who can navigate a room and treat everyone equally, bringing entertainment to all, not focusing on one side of the family and leaving the rest out.
The only thing that matter is that you think of others, while they're thinking of you. If you do this, your guests will ALWAYS remember how much you loved them on the day you sealed your love.